I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
