Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
