we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
