Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
