garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
