If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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