My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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