Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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