She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
