Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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