When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
