Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
