I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
