I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize