this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
