Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
