Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
