We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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