He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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