Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
