How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
