You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
