I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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