What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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