I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
