He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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