I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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