I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
