Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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