i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
They took my balls.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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