her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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