Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
