i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
