I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
