Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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