It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
