TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
