It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
