this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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