He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
