Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
