I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
