She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
