Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
