Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
