so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
