Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
