i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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