why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
