He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
