there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
