He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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