It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
