its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
