Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
