I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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