he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
